3 Signs You Could Be in a Toxic Relationship

Posted: October 16, 2018
By: weadmin

Often when people hear the term toxic relationship they immediately assume the worst case scenario of physical abuse and extreme subjugation. However, a relationship can become toxic when certain behaviors are constants. It is easy to overlook some of these as typical human traits thus acceptable. This position of willful ignorance can lead to a general sense of unhappiness, anxiety, and tension within any relationship. It is, therefore, vital to personal development and health that these issues are addressed honestly to remedy the situation.

1.  Toxic Relationship and Unhealthy Co-Dependency

If you depend completely on your relationship for fulfillment and cannot imagine being alone then this could signal an unhealthy co-dependency. Often people who demonstrate this trait tend to be far too self-sacrificing. They believe that to prove their self-worth they must please their loved one and cater to their every need at the expense of their own.

Signs of Co-dependency

• Do you find that you are unable to find happiness outside of this person?
• Do you overlook certain disruptive behaviors in your partner and/or find yourself being an enabler?
• Do you place more emphasis on your partner’s happiness over your own?
• Are you supportive of your partner to the point where it affects your mental, emotional and physical well-being?
• Are you often told by others outside the relationship that you are too clingy?

Addressing the Problem

Identifying that there is indeed a problem is the most important part of the solution. Recognizing that this type of behavior may have a negative impact on your health and sense of self should be enough to elicit a change. You do not have to leave the relationship, but you must learn how to establish boundaries and find ways to achieve personal growth and peace of mind outside of it.

• Communicate your likes and dislikes to your partner and ensure that all mutual activities involve something you both can enjoy.
• Make time for friends and relatives. Ensure that you have another outlet for support.
• Make time for personal interests, hobbies, and other activities outside of your relationship. Time spent apart will help you maintain a good balance between independence and a mutual level of dependence on each other.

If you find it difficult to wean yourself from your co-dependency, consider the expert counsel of a psychologist who may be able to help you find a definitive cause for this type of behavior. This is especially important if there are any lingering concerns about past trauma.

2.  High Levels of Hostility – Toxic Relationship

If you find that your interactions with your partner are generally hostile the relationship is toxic. While occasional arguments may not always be a source of great concern, the level of hostility exhibited when and if these do happen is an indication of a serious communication problem. Prolonged hostility can lead to emotional and physical abuse and creates an environment that is ill-suited for personal development. See Toxic Relationships – 2 Attitudes that Impeded Personal Development.

Signs of Hostility

Communicating with intent to harm

Hostility can be expressed as a verbal or non-verbal form of communication which is invoked with the sole purpose of inflicting emotional pain. Signs of hostility include:

• Insults directed at the other person or exchanged between both parties.
• Non-verbal gestures like eye rolling.
• Speaking about each other in a derogatory manner to people outside of the relationship.

Addressing the Problem

You must first determine if both of you would like to fix the relationship. A resolution can take two forms. You can either part ways, preferably amicably, or make a conscious decision to alleviate present ills.

• Determine the source of this hostility.
• Speak honestly with each other in a setting that allows for effective communication.
• If both or one of you has been the aggressor, aim to reach a point where some reconciliation can take place. This may start with an apology followed by a conscious effort to reduce this type of behavior in the future.
• Do not play the blame game, but truly address the source of the present hostility with a desire to diminish it.

If you find that you are both unable to constructively speak to each other on your own, then it may be time to seek the professional advice of a counselor. Once you are both committed to making a change in your relationship then, by all means, make the effort.

3.  Dwelling on the Past

Do you find that you or your partner has a predilection for focusing primarily on past actions without the desire for resolution or possible forgiveness? Have past actions continued to plague the delicate balance of your relationship? Though the past is over, many of us take what we can from it to avoid repeating mistakes. However, if every other conversation brings up a past issue, especially one which was a particularly trying ordeal then the relationship has become toxic. If you remained together despite that past event, then it should remain in the past. If the past is still a source of contention the relationship will suffer and bring both parties unnecessary pain.

Signs that you Excessively Dwell on the Past

• Do you bring up past events that have very little to do with the present conversation that you are both having?
• Do you focus on past relationships and make comparisons to your present relationship?
• Do you find that almost every conversation touches on a past topic?
• Do you highlight your partner’s past mistakes whenever possible?

Addressing the Problem

Although the past can be a helpful tool for learning it should not control the flow of your relationship. Channeling all your energy on past events will only weaken your bond and cause undue stress and anxiety. You must learn to let go of the past. If both you and your partner are guilty of dwelling on the past you must both make an effort to consciously stop doing so. If there is an issue that has not been completely resolved. Deal with it in a constructive manner and agree to move on from it once a resolution has been reached. Realize that the repetition of these mistakes is just one way in which you both hurt each other out of anger.

Read also Toxic Relationships – 2 Attitudes that Impeded Personal Development