Relationship: Resolving 2 Major Conflict Areas

Maintaining a healthy business or personal relationship takes a great deal of commitment and compromise. While every relationship may be tested by occasional problems, there are some issues that should not be overlooked or accepted as normal. Addressing these areas of conflict is essential to finding a worthwhile resolution that will both aid personal development and strengthen your partnership.  In my work as a Management Consultant and Life Coach, I find the following ingredients to be critical in building and maintaining strong business and personal partnerships.

1. Dwindling Amounts of  Trust, Loyalty, and Respect

Every good relationship is built on trust, loyalty and mutual respect. If either of these components is missing then the relationship will do more harm than good. Sharing yourself with another person requires a high level of trust. It is difficult to comfortably express yourself to someone who you do not completely trust. Furthermore, long-term relationships require the demonstration of mutual respect and loyalty.

Signs that your Relationship Lack Trust, Loyalty, and Respect

• You find yourself disbelieving most of what your partner says.
• You have regular arguments that are related to how untrustworthy you perceive your partner.
• You feel insecure in your relationship because you do not believe that your partner is loyal or totally committed.
• You feel that your thoughts or ideas are ignored or not considered.
• You believe that decisions that impact you or your business are made without your involvement.

Addressing the Problem

The first thing that needs to be determined is whether the sense of mistrust, disloyalty or disrespect is truly warranted or derived from your own personal trust issues. Here are some questions you should ask yourself:

• Does your partner have a history of doing things that are manipulative or deceitful?
• Has he or she ever been caught in a lie?
• Are there indications that point to his or her being untrustworthy, disloyal or disrespectful?

If you can honestly answer yes to these questions then you will need to decide how to approach the situation. If you believe that these issues can be resolved with your partner, then you will both need to agree upon how to begin the process of healing. This may take the form of intervention, personal introspection, candid discussion, personal letters to each other and useful trust exercises. The approach you choose will largely depend on the depth of your mistrust and the willingness of your partner to participate in activities meant to resolve the issue.

If your partner has not given you much reason to be mistrustful but you still cannot help but be suspicious this could indicate a personal problem that you may have developed because of a previous failed relationship or past trauma. This is something you will need to address on an individual level while making your partner aware of this very personal struggle.

2. Passive Aggressive Tendencies

If your partner has a tendency to mask hostility with sarcasm, procrastination, avoidance, feigned attempts at corporation among other deceptive tactics, this is indicative of passive aggression.  Typically passive-aggressive behavior is a response to a situation that is considered displeasing. People who tend to rely on this type of response are less confrontational by nature. Consequently, even if they are bothered by the actions of a loved one, they would much rather subtly hint at their distaste using cunning methods than broach the subject openly. As a result, issues are rarely resolved and petty behavior is embraced over clear and honest communication.  In the long run, the relationship becomes increasingly unbearable and less likely to thrive.

Signs of Passive Aggression

 Your partner conceals his or her anger with “clever” or sarcastic remarks.

• He or she agrees to do an activity only to either delay doing it purposely or engage in it half-heartedly.
• He or she finds ingenious excuses to avoid conversations or other activities that are important to you.

Addressing the problem

If your partner is passive aggressive then you will need to confront him or her about it. The aim should be to find the root cause of whatever it is that has become a source of contention. If necessary include a third party for additional support and mediation and ensure that your partner feels comfortable enough to express these issues openly. The most important thing is that the atmosphere for discussion is devoid of extreme aggression or excessive criticism.  Also, be aware of attitudes that impede happiness and personal development and find ways to address them.